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                     streamriffs.com

Flapping, flailing, blundering, failing

7/31/2017

9 Comments

 
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I've had a lot of blunders lately.  
I picked a huge bin of yellow peaches yesterday, that were 90% brown mush by this morning because they got too warm and I didn't tend to them fast enough.  I'm stalled out on a project I feel passionate-- and don't know how to move forward.    I bungled a communication with a relative that seemed to me positive and warm, but was received by the recipient as, well, controlling.  Sigh.   And just now, I deleted an entire blog post that I'd worked hard on.  As if that isn't  enough, it is the SECOND one, in as many days, to vanish in the exact same way.   If I delete a photo on this program, it grabs all the text as well.  Poof!  Two hard-wrangled essays vanished into this air.  Dismay is the only work I can think of.  You'd think I'd have learned.  But no,  I did not.  I've even failed at learning how to prevent failure.  Which is why these photos are floating here where I didn't want them.  

So, that  picture of me smiling?  That's not today.  That was me hiking a bluff trail with my husband recently, (when I wasn't having a string of failures.)  The second photo is of my mom and sons, exploring San Francisco earlier this year.  I wanted a more recent photo, but I can't even make the wrong photo go into the right spot, and I'm no longer interested in trying.   

I'm not going to write any more about failure, though, because I don't know anything profound to say, except that it happens to me often, and it sucks, and I know the best thing to do is simply try again.  But I will try to tell you, in six sentences or less, what I was trying to say, in the vanished essay with the empty birdhouse picture.

Recently, the bluebird family in my back yard grew up and flew away.  The sight of the empty box makes me a little blue.  It reminds me of my own newly-emptied nest, which is now quieter than a library.  I'm happy for all of them, birds and boys, flying free, but I miss bustle and cheer of a growing families.  I'll be fine, I'm just adjusting.  End of story.  (Ok, seven sentences)

When my husband gets moody, he does Useful Things.  Rips out old carpets, paints a room, chops down a dead tree.  Me--I just wander around aimlessly, getting in his way.  Finally I remember; just go outside.   Somehow,  nature's complete disinterest in me is a relief.  Nature  doesn't care how many times I falter and fail,  what I want, or what I think.   Nature just does her work.   Birthing and growing, dying and composting, bringing new life up from the old.  Trees grow, birds sing, creeks flow.  Nature doesn't cling to the past  New seasons come, her forms and colors changes.  Nature is always creating, always evolving  towards the future.  I guess that's a pretty good role model for me.  Besides, I'm a terrible painter, and Joel won't let me help.

I'll make one more attempt to attach a photo--maybe one of my creek this time-even though I'm likely to fail once again.    It won't land here at the end of this sentence, I'm pretty sure--but win or lose--in five minutes, I'm  headed downstream.    See!  Ya gotta scroll down, cause it won't come up here.    Oh WELL!   















  
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9 Comments
Margaret Phillips
7/31/2017 04:15:48 pm

Oh, Lori...enjoyed this...especially the sentiment "not sure I care any more". I always had trouble with pictures on my blog site too, never wanting to go where I put them. I wonder if God feels that way about me...she never goes quite where I want her but I'll make it work. I ran across a card while cleaning..."When God closes a door, he opens a window.....climb out and meet me at the bar." Glad you have your meetings in nature! Love you!

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Lisa Foshay
7/31/2017 04:35:28 pm

This was lovely and true, Lori. Especially about going out into nature, where creation unfurls. I needed to hear these words today, so I thank you!

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Cindy Rankin
7/31/2017 05:01:40 pm

Oh Lori, you are fantastic even when flapping at failures! And who the heck hasn't failed with our computer tech stuff, our misunderstood communications, and just plain getting stuck in the goo of overthinking a project? Ah, I'm sad about the bluebirds. Your story about them is my favorite tonic of peace. Glad you had some outside time my friend. Loved all the photos! Thank you for sharing your life and insights on this wonderful blog!!!! HUGS!

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Michelle smith
7/31/2017 05:20:11 pm

Lori, I am intrigued with your words and am trying to see you as a failure and it totally doesn't fit. Your an inspiration always, I flail looking for the right words while they flow from you like silk. By the way , Mother Nature loves you and I bet caresses your face daily ,sun and wind kissing you saying thank you for being my friend. I love you. Michelle

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Bev Henningsen
7/31/2017 06:41:41 pm

You are an inspiration by revealing your challenges. I've had them and just curse and give up. . Thank you!

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Leslie Ender link
7/31/2017 11:23:51 pm

Dear Lori,
Oh, how I miss you! You and Joel should come and visit! We would have a marvelous time. We would show you around Innsbruck! I know what you are going through and all I can say is that it gets better. The going away to college of the baby in the family is the hardest! But through the process of letting go and adjusting to new realities you somehow find a new you emerging. I find myself wondering all over again about what I want to do when I grow up! Hugs and kisses to my sweet friend it has been way, too long xxx ooo xxx

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Jane Lefebre
8/1/2017 07:51:50 pm

Lori!
How I miss you! Your words are comforting as they so eloquently state what my heart is feeling. Hurry home little blue bird as I can't wait to catch up on your summer exploits.
XOXO
Jane

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Laura
8/2/2017 10:03:22 am

Hello Lori,

Your writing is so eloquent and heartfelt, thank you for sharing the challenges of being human with pinpoint accuracy and humor. When it comes to technology I am like a dog with a bone, it's not pretty and I am sure there is slobber on my laptop when it is all said and done :)
Take care of you and keep sharing your fabulous insights.
across the miles,
Laura

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Sharon Lovejoy link
8/2/2017 05:42:15 pm

The garden. Just remember the garden. You'll lose your woes every time. It always heals me and I still blunder and fail out there, but it helps me to shrug my shoulders and laugh at myself.

You raised great sons and they will always come home. It is just their time now. You already know that.

The project? I am assuming it is your book. Ok, save up and let us all help to solve the dilemma. I thought you were already well on your way.

Sending love and a huge hug.

Sharon

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    Welcome to Streamriffs.com, a place for fellow creek- walkers and nature lovers.  Lori Fisher Peelen lives in California with her family.

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